When Anima…err Kids Attack!

So the other night my daughter got me.  She got me good.  I had just finished drying her off after her bath and it was time to put on her diaper.  There she was, laying on the changing mat, giggling, squealing, and laughing after her bath.  I should’ve known something was up.  Well, as I pulled her legs up to get the diaper under she started to do what most toddlers do and that’s to start wriggling around.  Putting on the diaper started to turn into a mini wrestling match.  So there I was, holding my daughter legs up with one hand while trying to get the diaper on her with the other while she’s a squirming all around.  All that moving must’ve moved something because the next thing I hear is “Pppppbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrttttttt!!!” 

 

She farted.

In my face no less. 

Did I fail to mention that lately I have been more focused on feeding her healthy and natural foods versus processed? Foods that are high in nutrition and freshness but also able to produce lots of gas?  Extra stinky gas? No?  Well this little pooter was able to produce a fart so noxious that it rivaled anything I had ever smelled in my life. Eyes: Watering. Nostrils: Burning.  GAHHHHH!!!  Being that my face was inches away from the source at the time it was so bad that it had the tangible effect akin to somebody ripping back and clocking me in the face.  I literally felt that one.

Of course my daughter thought that it was all quite funny and was just laughing at me.  Like she had planned this surprise attack all along.  It got me thinking of all the other ways she’d “gotten me” in the past.  No, not just farting, but of the various other ways I’ve been on the receiving end of an “attack” by this little pint sized instrument of destruction.  Don’t let the big eyes and rosy cheeks fool you!

I was reminded of an article I read on msnbc.com a while back that talks about this very thing. No, not farting but of ways in which parents are injured (unintentionally) during the course of raising their children. While the tone of the article was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, there were still an undercurrent of “this is kind of seriousness” to it.  You wouldn’t believe some of the injuries sustained!  Apparently I am not immune either.

Like some of the parents in the article I have been, on different occasions, pinched, bitten (teething…yay), head butted in the head, nose, and stomach, kicked in groin, punched in the groin, and have various objects and instruments go for my eyes.  And my wife wants at least two more?!?  Doesn’t she realize that we’d be out numbered at that point?

Raising children.  It’s serious business. 

                           Ninja Baby Attacks!! 

 

Oh.  I have a new invention I’m trying to get Babies’R Us to pick-up.  It’s an all-in-one outfit for parents. What do you think?