Putting up with crap…

Fair warning.  This post is not for those easily grossed out by bodily functions.

So much for wishing for a better February.  That sure didn’t last long.  I should’ve known that something was up when the first e-mail I get from work is from an irate attorney.  Basically he didn’t appreciate the fact that I was doing my job and telling his client that they couldn’t do what they wanted and couldn’t say what they wanted to say.  It didn’t matter that their very own  prospectus/documents said that they couldn’t do what they wanted to either.  So not only was I protecting my firm from their sales staff (why can’t they just play by the rules?) but I was protecting their firm as well.  But, other than the arguing with another firm’s outside counsel (which ended up taking my entire day) it wasn’t a too terrible start to the month.

Yet.

So after work it was off to pick-up my daughter from daycare.  Upon picking my daughter up and speaking with our provider the topic of conversation always turns to my daughter’s bowel movements.  Bowl movements are a big deal and a big topic of conversation for us.  Did she go today? Hard or soft? Diarrhea? Color? Texture?  All this detail is important to us for some reason.  Well, actually the reason is that a few months ago my daughter was constipated and we believe it was due to the switch from formula to milk that caused it.  Since then we had been giving her soy milk to drink instead and have given her a supplement of Mira lax to help soften things up.  It seemed to work.  Well enough that we were slowly decreasing her dosage of Mira lax.  I decided to cut out the ‘lax even more when our care provider gave a report of a really, really watery diaper (and no…not #1) after not giving my daughter any Mira lax for awhile and then giving her one dosage.  I guess she didn’t need the ‘lax anymore.

So it’s at this point I get the bright idea (yup…another bright idea) that if my daughter is handling things well enough again that I could switch her to whole milk instead of soy milk.  So I did.  The first few days I didn’t really notice too much difference other than her stools were more formed but it wasn’t causing her any pain.  So, just in case I gave her a dose of Mira lax this morning with her milk before taking her to daycare.

Upon picking her up my daycare provider reported, “Oh she went today.”  Yes! It’s working! I think I’ve found the balance.  Not too hard, not too soft.  “Oh, and she was really gassy today too. Whoo!”  Eh?  Gassy you say?  Must be the milk.  Or if my wife were here would say that it runs in the family (while pointedly looking straight at me).  What?

Anyways, that should’ve been a clue as to what was to come.  Apparently my daughter had been poot ‘a tootin’ up a storm at day care.  Flash forward to dinner and I’m watching my daughter alternatively feeding herself and the floor fish and broccoli.  All of a sudden she gets really wide eyed and I hear pbbbbbuuuuurrrrrrrrr!!!!  At this point it’s still pretty funny as I imagined it to be one big and long fart.  Really funny as it’s coming from someone as little as her.  I mean, this was, well…like Blazing Saddles.

The thing is, like in the video above, the hits just kept on coming.  She was basically reenacting that entire scene. By herself.  Uh oh.

At this point it ceased to be so funny because this is the point when I realized she wasn’t just tooting.  The teary eyed, clenched fists, and straining face clued me in to that. 

Oh no.

But I thought she went already today!? How can she have more.  This isn’t fair! You’re only supposed to go once a day! It was the day care providers turn! Arghh. So there she is, sitting in her high chair and she’s just going.  I can’t stop her and I sure as heck am not going to pick her up until she’s done.  I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that there will be quite the mess to clean up later.  There’s no way that diaper is holding all of that.  When you’re in your highchair eating fish and you hear something splish…

Houston we have a problem.  Looks like we’ve sprung a small leak.  Crap. 

Mercifully she finishes so I pick her up and it’s straight to the bathroom.  She’s not really happy with stuff leaking down her leg and I’m not happy either.  Amazingly when we get to the bathroom she let’s out an excited squeal.  She’s going to take a bath! She’s excited.  Me, I don’t quite share excitement just yet.  I strip her clothes off, wipe down her legs, open her diaper… Ew.  I’ll spare you the details.  Into the bath she goes.  At this point I have a bit of time to survey the collateral damage.  Her pants, done for.  In the wash.  Diaper, in a plastic bag, into the trash.  Thank goodness tomorrow is trash day! Bathroom really stinks.  Light a candle but why do I still smell something…oh…Ew.  So the scene is now baby splashing away in the bath (rather happily) spraying water everywhere and dad not caring because he’s running around now just in his boxers trying to clean and disinfect the bathroom.

She got soy milk tonight before bed.